So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
