I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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