We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
