You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
