jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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