You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
