He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
