I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
