i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize