dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My dick has a subreddit
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize