I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
