I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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