don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
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