Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
