he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
