I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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