You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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