Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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