so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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