So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
