i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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