is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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