Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
how drunk are you?
Several
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
