I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
