Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
