she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
