i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize