i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
