Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
