Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
