I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
