Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
