Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
