i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
