I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
