i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
