I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
