so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize