I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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