she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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