I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
