Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
