There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize