I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
