forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
