why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
