goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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