I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
