So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
