Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
