My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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