Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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