It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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