Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Randomize
