And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
