nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
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Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
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You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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