Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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