she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
