Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My ass is underappreciated
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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