I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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