Duck Duck Cougar?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
