Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
