I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
