Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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