I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
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I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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