wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
