my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
